Media Release: Missing Fish

[stephbg]

Western Australian police hold grave concerns regarding the welfare of missing Perth fish Disco Stu.

Stu (3) of Sector 7 was last seen well over a week ago and has not used his phone nor accessed his bank accounts. None of his belongings are missing. Fears are mounting that he may have departed on a one-way journey to Disneyland, and police are monitoring all airports.

Disco Stu is a Western Pygmy Perch of medium build, approximately 6 cm long, with a possibly fading breeding season red stripe. He was last seen wearing nothing. Stu, a father of eight (or possibly nine) has no history of such disappearances, and his partner Poppy describes his absence as uncharacteristic. Poppy is also concerned that Stu may be running short of medication, without which he would have difficulty breathing and walking.

The recent death of Stu’s ex-partner Peggy was not regarded as suspicious, but there is a concern that this loss—combined with the pressures of fatherhood—may have contributed to his disappearance. He recently expressed a desire for more “Me time” but did not appear to be depressed.

Neighbour Troy The Alsatian said that “Disco Stu was a quiet fish, kept mostly to himself, but we would enjoy the occasional beer together on hot summer nights. The pond was getting pretty crowded with all the kids growing up, but I can’t imagine he would do anything stupid. Mate, if you see this come home, or at least let us know you’re ok. Woof.”

Disco Stu is not armed. Or legged. Members of the public are encouraged to report sightings to CrimeStoppers.

Comments

[drhoz.livejournal.com]

heehee

[ratfan.livejournal.com]

Best wishes and hopes for Disco Stu's return from Bruce and Sheila, the White Cloud Mountain Minnows, of Pond 86. "We come from China and remember how welcome Stu and Peggy made us, giving us proper Australian names and everything. Please come home, Stu!"