I don't want people I love to die
Aug. 22nd, 2007 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stephbgIn which I contemplate the deaths of loved ones of mine, and those of my generation.
Just over two years ago my last surviving grandparent, and the only one I'd ever known, died. My parents and siblings travelled to Sydney, some being there for the last few weeks of Gran's life, others like myself only arriving in time for the funeral. For a time all seven of us lived in Gran's house while sorting through her affairs and possessions. It was the first time all of us had been together like this as adults (i.e. without partners or children, sharing a house). It was the first time my immediately family had had to deal with such a death.
For me it felt like the ceiling had been torn off the family, and death was now free to approach the next generation. As if everyone dies in an orderly fashion one generation at a time.
It was a wrenchingly emotional time, but ultimately a bonding one. Gran was 98 (and a half), and we'd all believed that she'd make it to 100 at least (more than one person called her a "tough old bird" with a wicked sense of humour). She'd stubbornly managed to stay at home alone for a year more than she should, but we were proud of her for that. Her final illness was relatively short, and she did not suffer. We all looked at each other and realised that sometimes, people die. After that experience we all seemed to do a better job of keeping in touch
I am very attached to my family. Since then I've tried to comprehend what it would be like to lose Mum or Dad (or Husband, or a sibling...) and it's just impossible to imagine them gone. I realised I had a choice: reconcile myself to the idea that they would die one day, or ignore the idea and (presumably) be more upset when it inevitably happens.
I have chosen to live in denial. The news is full of death by accident, disease, age or crime. Every time I hear of a natural death of someone younger than my parents I wince a little. Both Husband and I have had to deal with suicide (that shared experience played a large part in bringing us together).
Death will come, and as I watch my parents slowly (fortunately) show their age, my older in-laws become decidedly frail, and the parents of friends become ill, have falls or pass on, I realise that my generation, my friends, are likely to be facing the same prospect within the same decade or two. I didn't think about that during the clusters of 18th, 21st, 30th and 40th birthdays, the rashes of weddings and children.
So when it happens to us, we'll have each other.
Just over two years ago my last surviving grandparent, and the only one I'd ever known, died. My parents and siblings travelled to Sydney, some being there for the last few weeks of Gran's life, others like myself only arriving in time for the funeral. For a time all seven of us lived in Gran's house while sorting through her affairs and possessions. It was the first time all of us had been together like this as adults (i.e. without partners or children, sharing a house). It was the first time my immediately family had had to deal with such a death.
For me it felt like the ceiling had been torn off the family, and death was now free to approach the next generation. As if everyone dies in an orderly fashion one generation at a time.
It was a wrenchingly emotional time, but ultimately a bonding one. Gran was 98 (and a half), and we'd all believed that she'd make it to 100 at least (more than one person called her a "tough old bird" with a wicked sense of humour). She'd stubbornly managed to stay at home alone for a year more than she should, but we were proud of her for that. Her final illness was relatively short, and she did not suffer. We all looked at each other and realised that sometimes, people die. After that experience we all seemed to do a better job of keeping in touch
I am very attached to my family. Since then I've tried to comprehend what it would be like to lose Mum or Dad (or Husband, or a sibling...) and it's just impossible to imagine them gone. I realised I had a choice: reconcile myself to the idea that they would die one day, or ignore the idea and (presumably) be more upset when it inevitably happens.
I have chosen to live in denial. The news is full of death by accident, disease, age or crime. Every time I hear of a natural death of someone younger than my parents I wince a little. Both Husband and I have had to deal with suicide (that shared experience played a large part in bringing us together).
Death will come, and as I watch my parents slowly (fortunately) show their age, my older in-laws become decidedly frail, and the parents of friends become ill, have falls or pass on, I realise that my generation, my friends, are likely to be facing the same prospect within the same decade or two. I didn't think about that during the clusters of 18th, 21st, 30th and 40th birthdays, the rashes of weddings and children.
So when it happens to us, we'll have each other.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-22 10:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-23 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-23 04:39 am (UTC)Of course, this isn't the only cause of death, but it is the principal one. Some death is inevitable and voluntary death is always going to be with us, despite what we might wish.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-23 09:39 am (UTC)Death can be a good thing, a release. I really wish euthenasia was legal as I don't see any advantage in terminal suffering. We're kinder to our pets than our relatives.
Death will hurt the loved ones left behind, but I wouldn't wish it away.