Should I go to my school reunion?

[stephbg]

This year is the 20th anniversary of my high school completion. I recently found out the details of the school reunion, scheduled for Friday 21st December, the logic being that it would be a good time to catch ex-pat ex-students coming home to visit family for the holidays.

I've thought about this reunion several times over the years, but I'm not really sure where my feelings currently lie. Like a lot of fen I was not popular (ha!) at high school. Looking back, the contrast with UWA/UniSFA/Swancon was incredible. It was so nice to be finally treated as a goddess and a queen *flutters eyelashes modestly*.

I vacillate amongst many alternatives:

*Not giving a damn about the people I vaguely remember giving me hell (although I'm glad to report I no longer recall many individuals all that well)

* A desire to show off how successful I've become, with a dangerous inclination to shout inappropriate things at middle aged near-strangers ("I'm HAPPY now so SCREW YOU" and/or "HA! Geeks ROCK! You got it WRONG Sporty Spice.")

* Embarassment at revealing how much I've gained weight since then (although I'm certain I'm not alone there). They used to call me "Stick" (and a bunch of other things that would cause the Internet to fall over were I to reproduce them here). They also used to make a Rubrick's Cube gesture at me because I was "so square I was a cube". I now wear that badge with pride. *shouts "SCREW YOU" once more, senses a theme, hums*

* A lack of desire to catch up with the faceless multitudes. Let's face it, quite a lot of them ignored me, numbers of them were pleasant, others never knew my name. What do I care if they're divorced with three children, working in banking customer service and trading on ebay in their spare time? So what? I know truckloads of incredibly interesting people now. Why should I waste my strictly limited social-interaction resources with dross? Apologies to the neutral-friendlys for calling you "dross", but really you just don't compare with my current crop of friends.

* A definite creeping and creepy uncomfortableness on contemplating a reunion with a certain old long-term, serious-at-the-time and difficult-to-shake boyfriend. *wince*

* A regret that the anniversary has not fallen during one of those years I was fit, healthy, muscly, dangerous and doing kung fu. I was sick and damaged throughout school, and oh, look, 20 years later, still sick and damaged. The motivation to tell people I *wasn't* just trying to get out of phys ed is not quite sufficient on its own to get me there.

* A somewhat guilty desire to shock former schoolmates with my tattoos. They seem old hat now, but I remember how freaked out a lot of people were when I first got them done. I always enjoyed the "you don't seem the type" reaction. I could live with a little "you didn't seem the type" action. Unfortunately, difficult to combine the tattoo-reveal with the I'm-not-thin-now-reveal.

* An honest desire to meet up with my former teachers and thank them for the good work they did (you may have spotted a root cause for some of that unpopularity). That alone may tip the balance if I find out any of them are planning to show up. Except maybe some of the nuns. And a certain Marist brother *shudder*.


What should I do? Should I go? A lot of people I know are about the same age and would have faced the same prospect - what did you do or are contemplating doing?

Comments

[huckle.livejournal.com]

I had a pretty similar emotional experience of high school (years 11+12). Must be a fan thing.
I did not go to the 20 year reunion last year, and I have no regrets about the decision. I have bumped into various women from school over the years, and we have had the 'what are you doing now?' conversation, and the 'did you hear what x is doing now' conversation. A whole evening of that would be tedious (to me).

[stephbg.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've had a few of those conversations in random shopping centres. I'm really bad at small talk. I can't shake the conviction that it's pointless if I'm not going to see those people again. Small talk for the purposes of bonding and/or establishing a working relationship at least has a purpose. I find it hard to avoid ROI (return on investment) assessments on all things - hence my analysis of my motivations. I'm trying to assess my conditions for success. It's why they pay me the big bucks as an analyst :-)