Weird shit for brains

[stephbg]

Today was an odd day, but of the kind I've experienced before so at least I had an idea what was going on. Mostly.

One of the meds I take at night is agomelatine (Valdoxen) but it needs a bit of finesse in the dosage. Too much and I get horrible muscle twitches and am over-stimulated (wired, crazy, unable to blink) the next day. Too little and it fails in one of its primary tasks which is to help me fall asleep. There seems to be no such beast as a dose I can take every day to get the desired result. Even then the real desired result—actual restful sleep followed by reasonable wakefulness the next day—has been denied to me for all but the first six weeks of taking it. But I can dream.

Actually, I can dream a lot, but we'll come to that presently (and yet I promise to not describe my dreams in detail).

Looks like I've been erring on the side of caution for too long, and after some intense insomnia I responded by taking the full 37.5mg  dose last night, hoping to at least go to sleep if not to stay there. Valdoxen is not a sleeping pill per se, but works on the sleep regulation system, if I had one. It's been so long that I took that dose something in my body must have reset, for it reacted like I'd taken a significant increase. Did I mention that Valdoxen is sometimes prescribed as an anti-depressant? And that changes in anti-depressant dosage can lead to weird and frequently not-wonderful effects, thoughts, and behaviours?

So last night I did get some sleep, but it was not particularly restful. That happens pretty much every day so no surprises there. What was unusual was that Husband reported that I'd talked in my sleep, something about "tying up the goats". I've made plenty of noise in my sleep before, usually incoherent mumbling, shouting, or screaming (did I mention "non-restful sleep"?), but he's never heard me speak so clearly before.

Goats. I recalled nothing of goats. Oh well, on with the day.

I managed to get breakfast and read the morning news, but decided reluctantly that I really needed a nap before I could face the prospect of feeding the fish or washing my hair. It felt like I slept deeply and dreamed vividly. The last part of the dream was the sensation that I desperately needed to have a lie down and get some sleep. I really hate it when I dream I'm exhausted or in pain, but this was extremely vivid in a dismal black drowning kind of way. I woke up and realised I was already as warm, comfortable and horizontal as it was possible to be, and yet my body craved more. Greedy bastard.

The rest of the day to late afternoon was pretty much more of the same, with a couple of heavy dream-laden naps from which I woke kicking or thrashing to get out of some predicament in a wildly internally-inconsistent post-apocalyptic dream London. On these occasions some of the four cats sleeping on and around me were violently displaced. Sorry, kittens, but Mummy had to fight off packs of wild dogs and gangs of Bad Men, some of whom were in scuba gear because reasons.

I hate that kind of sleep – I've described it before as feeling like someone's holding my head underwater. It's enforced unconsciousness that cannot be resisted. Yuck. Fortunately in the early evening I woke up enough to wash my hair (yay!) and later went to the shops, but I'm now getting increasingly jittery. Not energetic, just chaotically jittery and cross. Hopefully I'll manage a walk later, but not a pajama-clad 10km odyssey like the one I was inspired to take on a previous AD dose increase.

On the bright side, pain's not too bad today.

My head. Don't go there.

ETA: Forgot to mention the eye twitch, but I did manage a short walk at midnight. Also had bad solvent/gas/petrol phantom smell overnight, enough to wake me at 4am. Haven't had proper sense of smell or taste for several weeks now.

Comments

[redbraids.livejournal.com]

Sounds horrid.

[stephbg.livejournal.com]

Just another day at the office. Isn't it great that I get to lie around the house all day and not have to go to work? Chronic illness is great! :|

Thanks kitten, *hugs*. Hope your thing clears up soon.

[redbraids.livejournal.com]

It must be mind bogglingly difficult for you :-( I remember how hard it was when Mikey was too sick even to play a video game or watch a movie, what's more look at anything on the net.

Thanks for the good wishes!

[bunny-m.livejournal.com]

*offers lots of sympathies and lots of hugs*