stephbg | Changes

A quick word to say thank you everyone for your support. Again. As is often the way with such things, writing about how I felt last night was a useful catalyst, and I had the cry I needed to have. I feel I've moved on to a new stage of grieving for Dad, and though the anger might resurface, I don't feel that way now. OK, maybe still quite a bit pissed. I choose to complain that Life Isn't Fair in the complete understanding that it never was and never will be fair. It still sucks.

It's strange, but some of the lessons I learned after losing Dave were both helpful and unhelpful in dealing with this new loss. I managed to move some of the pain, and avoid some of the guilt, which was good, but then the pain had to find a new way to come out. I don't plan to keep practising this until I'm good at it, but I have learned that while it's possible to make things much harder for yourself, beyond a certain point it just can't be any less worse.

It's a lot like my illness, really. I spend a huge amount of effort in avoiding behaviours that make things worse (in theory), but nothing I do will make it all better.

BTW I have a shrink of my own, but thank you for all the offers of yours.