Some form of catch up

[stephbg]

Hello world. I haven't been posting much here because I've been ill with the kind of joy-sapping virus that saps one's joy. And creativity it would seem.



In the last 6-7 weeks all the gains I've made from the agomelatine have been lost, so I've done very little work, paid or otherwise. The last few days have been particularly grim as I've had to take the Serious Blue Pills to deal with a really nasty fibro flare, and they have unsurprisingly made me very depressed. I knew it was a risk, but it's easy to forget how unpleasant and deeply incapacitating the experience really is. But it was necessary.

The plan now is to strike out alone, clear myself of the painkiller's side effects, embrace the pain and see if I'm over this damn virus yet. Oh god I hope so. It's interesting how my interest in pretty rocks and the photography thereof has just dried up. I just... can't. Well I can, up to a point, so I have a few pictures awaiting processing, but there's no joy in it. All I can see are the flaws, and that's no good so I'm letting myself take a break until I go back to it spontaneously. I'm using that activity as a diagnostic, so when pretty rock pictures start to appear again on a regular basis we'll all know I'm feeling better.

During the period of this illness FIL became ill, was moved to a nursing home, and then passed away. The funeral was in Adelaide last week and I could not go so had to send Husband there alone. That was not good. There are more words but this is not the time for them. But it was a good life, well lived, and peacefully concluded.

Also during this period someone very dear to me in the family has been going through medical hoops, with the possibility of very dire results. He's still undergoing tests and will have a biospy this week. I'm doing my best to cling to the best case scenario until it's confirmed otherwise, but fear is insidious stuff. He's in pain and I cannot help. If I was more well I could go to him and I know I have the ability to distract from pain for a short time, but that hasn't been possible. It eats at me.

The scenario above also applies to another friend, with slightly different variables but the same end result. If I could go I could help, but I can't. Today I couldn't walk from one end of the house to the other without lurching into walls. AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S REALLY PISSING ME OFF.

So I haven't been blogging much. Tonight I hurt a bit more but I seem to be able to do a bit more. Husband has offered to drive me to see the folks tomorrow and even if I fall asleep on the couch as soon as I get there it will be worth it.

I miss being a happy camper :-(

I miss being a *useful* camper.

Comments

[redbraids.livejournal.com]

So sorry about all of the tough stuff going on with you. Pease pass on condolences to M.

Sending hugs. You take care, hey?

[callistra.livejournal.com]

I don't have much to say, other than I am thinking of you.

[leecetheartist.livejournal.com]

Hey there.

[huckle.livejournal.com]

I thought that you mustn't have been well because I like reading your blogging and I noticed you weren't posting. I hope you get better quickly, it sucks waiting out a fatigue/depression.