"How have you been?"
Jun. 26th, 2011 11:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stephbgSix month shrink visit tomorrow (not that I haven't had issues in the last six months, I just don't think he could help me with them). His opening line is going to be "How have you been since I saw you last?" It always is, so it gives me a chance to prepare.
How I am right now is a different kettle of fish. I've found new levels of acceptance and peace, and am doing some honest rebuilding of a life rather than just watching my old life slip further and further from my grasp. I feel good about what I have achieved recently. But I'm going to have to step back further to tell him about the dark days before I crawled out of the deepest holes. I got three words into my practice speech for that part and burst into tears.
It's possible that for me there will be no going back, and I've started work on the changes to get momentum flowing again, but it's a slow business. I've been more ill and fatigued this six months than ever before. I haven't been able to visit let alone help at the stables almost all that time. I became much more housebound and stir crazy than before. The near zero income and inability to help or contribute anything reduced me to some kind of waste of space. Pushing my physical limits leads to pain and more fatigue. Pushing my mental limits has started to frighteningly illustrate what those new limits seem to be.
And now I'm too tired to write more tonight. It's getting rambly and upset.
How I am right now is a different kettle of fish. I've found new levels of acceptance and peace, and am doing some honest rebuilding of a life rather than just watching my old life slip further and further from my grasp. I feel good about what I have achieved recently. But I'm going to have to step back further to tell him about the dark days before I crawled out of the deepest holes. I got three words into my practice speech for that part and burst into tears.
It's possible that for me there will be no going back, and I've started work on the changes to get momentum flowing again, but it's a slow business. I've been more ill and fatigued this six months than ever before. I haven't been able to visit let alone help at the stables almost all that time. I became much more housebound and stir crazy than before. The near zero income and inability to help or contribute anything reduced me to some kind of waste of space. Pushing my physical limits leads to pain and more fatigue. Pushing my mental limits has started to frighteningly illustrate what those new limits seem to be.
And now I'm too tired to write more tonight. It's getting rambly and upset.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-26 04:17 pm (UTC)You do know that you are an inspiration for your forbearance?
no subject
Date: 2011-06-27 03:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-27 03:29 pm (UTC)