Pizza with the works

[stephbg]

I've been a bad girl for over a week now, culminating (hopefully) in the ultimate non-beige food: Greenwood Village Works pizza. Oooohh but it was good, and it looks like sundry enzymes and herbs helped it to go down with a much smaller protest than expected.



Very symbolic thing, that pizza. It represents the ultimate in rebellion, but I'm all out of food discipline. I'm insanely well behaved: I'm punished. I'm naughty: I'm punished, but not any worse*. The rat in this box doesn't know which lever to push any more.

I am not quite completely off the food rails, but it's looking pretty grim. It started with doughnuts. Yesterday it included six large chilli stuffed olives, and red and yellow jam tarts. Colours and flavours oh my. I've put away an awful lot of marinated octopus lately. Way too many serves of wheat flour. Proper chocolate. Precious little greenery. It was actually a guilt-ridden stick of celery this afternoon that drove me into the arms of the pizza. ("See how good I am? See? SEE?" *sound of crickets* "Ah, f&*# it.")

I think I might have to work my way through some coke before I'm really done. And black forest chocolate. Mmmm vegetable gum artificial cherries.

At some point RSN I'll have to draw another line in the sand, and get myself back into gear. Fortunately the pizza was so yummy it cheered me up considerably, which will make it easier. I'm also slowly losing the metallic taste from my fluoride and iodine hits. Some of the early food slips were attempts to chase that flavour away; it never worked, but it was fun to try and a quite good excuse for misbehaviour. Water is tasting much nicer now which is relief. It's much easier to hydrate if the process isn't vile.

And before we go, I've just had a little insight. I'm emotionally depressed--I think that's been nicely established--but that's on top of the physical illness and hardly a big surprise. But it's just occurred to me that when I feel emotionally depressed I somehow expect myself to get physically well as well as lifting my own mood. I have identified an unrealistic expectation! Now I'll be all better. Or still weak, but happier.

These posts might not make great (or readable) literature, but they help me quite a bit. If they inspire any of my friends to find a physical or emotional cure for themselves--or preferably me--that would be nice too. Hugs good. Declarations of my analytic genius also welcome. Marvel at my powers of (mostly) control. That kind of thing ;-)

(*) Well yes, worse obviously, but insufficiently so for operant conditioning purposes. OK, headaches, sore/swollen throat and oily pimply skin for a start. Vague brain. Muscle spasms. Sinus pressure. Etc

Comments

[transcendancing.livejournal.com]

*admires your dedication, strength, discipline and analytical brilliance*

*purrrryness*

[callistra.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
*admires*
I like your writing style.

[babalon-93.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
glad the enzymey things are helping.

I have pizza pretty regularly, but for me that means a gluten free-cheese free-vegetarian pizza with BBQ sauce instead of tomato and I am usually okay with that--though some people might say that that is not a pizza but rather a warm salad sandwich of sorts.

I do definitely marvel at your powers of mostly control :) And your analytic genius is awesome!

[kathrynlinge.livejournal.com]

I would've eaten the pizza too.

[chaosmanor.livejournal.com]

I willfully ate chicken broth with bits of chicken in it, along with noodley goodness, last week. (I started off accidentally eating it, thinking it was miso, but persisted in the face of incontrovertible evidence it wasn't.)

hahahaha. Yes, well, if I wanted a cheap-and-nasty-chicken-flesh challenge, I got one. But it tasted SO yummy.

I've not fallen off the pizza wagon yet. It's only a matter of time.