stephbg | Open mouth, change feet

I dedicate this post to

emma_in_oz. I tried.

I am damp after a 20 minute wait for a bus, squeezed on a peak hour train. I'm feeling tired and headachy after a big day, vaguely nauseous after my Monday-morning coffee, and thinking seriously about my bladder. I'm clutching enough stuff to put a bag lady to shame, and my feet hurt. At eye level I suddenly notice a belly. A pregnant woman, standing on a crowded train right in front of me?

I wrestle briefly with my conscience. I really want my seat, but can't possibly leave her standing. But what if she's not pregnant? I wasn't about to make that sacrifice in vain. I make that fatal decision and ask:

"Excuse me. Are you pregnant?"

"What?"

"ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

I think we can all see where this is going *facepalm*. I can only hope I didn't ruin her day.

Later in the trip the seat next to me became empty, but she stayed on her feet. I closed my eyes and feigned death. With some aplomb, I might add. Anyone planning a remake of Weekend at Bernies?

On the bright side, I resisted the urge to apologise some more and blabber about how not-pregnant she actually looked, and how the cut of her coat wasn't doing her any favours. And so on.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, with a nice little shrubbery on the side.