Hydrotherapy

[stephbg]

I am relieved beyond measure to have done hydrotherapy today, and was lucky enough to have the pool to myself for a really nice session.

I was so shattered yesterday it just wasn't possible, but I brutally drugged myself to sleep last night to aim for today's precious 2 hour window. I've been shattered a lot lately, as various life events have forced me into more activity than I have spoons for. Hit quite a low yesterday, wondering if the costs of hydro outweighed the benefits, and sad that after nearly a year I haven't managed to make any progress. I'd thought I might be up to two sessions a week, or walking laps in a proper pool (or indeed on land), or maybe even some limited actual swimming.

Instead it's a weekly struggle to get there just once. I do see occasional subtle signs of improvement – it's easier to get out of the pool at the end of the session (sometimes); it's easier to climb out of the bath (sometimes); when things are going well it's much easier to sit upright; my flexibility is the big winner and for that alone I'll keep doing it. But it is at best moderate exercise and it flattens me, every time. Only once have I reached the point where I felt "normal" (i.e. the same as before the session) on the day after going to the pool. Shortly after that I collapsed, had to miss a couple of weeks, and then pretty much had to start from complete scratch.

Some of these setbacks are pretty heavy inspiration to give up.

But I haven't.

Yet.

I'm sick. Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) are like vaccinations against fitness.

All I can do is try to get to the pool every day of the week until I make it, then start again the next week. I have to treat each session as an independent event, and try not to focus on a sense of progress. Abandon fitness goals all ye who enter here. Just because I managed to do 10x a certain exercise the last three weeks running, is absolutely zero guarantee I'll be able to do it even once the following week. Will I be utterly wiped out for an afternoon, a day, two, three? Who knows?

What I can do is concentrate on the sessions themselves, the warmth of the water and the blessed blessed buoyancy. Wonderful pain relief when motionless, and magnificent pain relief when I'm moving. I can dance in the water like I cannot on land. I am graceful in the water in a way I never really was on land even at my best. I can do Tai Chi, ballet, anything. Some sessions are better than others – it depends how bad I felt at the beginning, and who I'm sharing the pool with, but there's nothing like it. I count it as a mindfulness session and it soothes the brain as well as my body. I don't think the nasty little voices like the water, come to think of it.

Back to the pool next week then, if I can manage it.