stephbg | The housewives' friend (Reply)

Valium. I don't like valium, but I have some in my drug collection as Diazepam and I've just taken 3/4 of a 5mg tablet, and I thought it best I record it here. May as well do something while I wait for it to kick in, and who knows, it might get interesting.

I've taken this drug tonight because my muscles have been particularly tight (in some cases quite rigid), and as soon as I try to relax (i.e. fall asleep) they twitch in varying degrees of co-ordination. One of the theories about fibromyalgia is that it involves muscle over-activation, and anecdotally I'd have to say that certainly works for me and my massage therapist. She often comments that I have the muscle tone of an athlete who's been training hard. If only. I also have localised patches of disorganised muscle activation we call "chickens" because it feels like a tiny flock of headless chickens running around under my skin. This from an impartial witness, I might add. I have the Diazepam in my cupboard as as a muscle relaxant rather than anti-anxiety medication. Certainly I don't feel psychologically anxious, but my body certainly seems under that impression.

I'm not a fan of the stuff because it makes me Big D Depressed, but if I can get a bit of relief from the wired/tight/painful sensations in the majority of my wretched body I'm prepared to take that risk tonight and tomorrow. I had planned to trial Mersyndol but I don't have any yet and didn't think I'd get through the night without trying *something*. Tummy rebelled at the idea of alcohol (which is generally quite good for this sort of thing), and brain rebelled at the thought of Stilnox (sleeping pill) which might make the problem go away for the night. I guess I wanted actual relief of the cause, not just a coverup or half measure. The dose is generous because I hope to sleep through it, but well within the limits I've been given (and which I've never come remotely close to – 15mg a day? Hello coma patient).

It's entirely possible things are worse at the moment because of a few minutes of modest (and wildly enjoyable) clambering amongst the rocks at Bell's Rapids in the Swan Valley last Sunday. Got a bit damp from light rain, but it wasn't cold. Certainly I felt the exercise, particularly on Tuesday/Wednesday. But by golly it was glorious, and nothing would stop me. I'm *supposed* to exercise, for heaven's sake, and I wasn't exactly scaling cliffs, just lifting my feet a bit more than usual. Even had the cane for balance – it was no workout. I really want to blog about the outing asap, but haven't had the spoons for it. Been doing stupid things with my energy like tax :-(

Not sure if it's relevant, but wrists and knuckles have been particularly crackly this week, which I attributed to the dry (finally!) weather. The knuckles only seem to crunch in low humidity which we don't seem to get a lot of these days.

Leg muscles are twitching as I type, so I guess 20 minutes isn't quite enough for the stuff to kick in, although my mouth is feeling a bit dry. Might edit this later if I get all trippy before I retire. I think I deserve a bit of fun, surely?

ETA: About 2 hours post drug. Disappointed to report lack of wild trippiness or even sleep, but muscle spasms did abate. Not entirely creak-free but definitely improved. A bit surprised though, given memories of what this stuff did to me before. Maybe it needs a couple of doses?