stephbg | This isn't that post (Reply)

The next post I'm supposed to write is a description of a doctor's appointment some two weeks ago, and the modifications to my medications that arose from that visit. This isn't it, but I've been reminded (hi Mum) that I haven't blogged here in a month and so I thought I'd ramble for a bit at the traditional blogging hour of 1:30 am.

This will still be me-medical-centric, because that's pretty much all I do these days. It's been a bad run for some months now. The weather has been very cruel, but today was a sunny day and in the late afternoon I eventually managed to get out for a short walk around the block and then do some weeding in the garden. Granted I had managed a load of laundry before dawn, because I just don't do circadian rhythms.

The weeding was a matter of rescuing about a square metre or so of prostrate lantana with soft easily-pulled wintergrass-type weeds poking up throughout. Husband has been spraying the mulch with weedkiller when the weather has permitted (not often) so the spaces in between the shrubs are reasonably clear of weeds. Every shrub, however, is pretty much choked with them. I dragged out a little footstool to sit on, and worked my way through the weeds, one by one.

It felt so damned good to be outside and in the garden actually doing something with my hands. I even enjoyed the exercise for my eyes in scanning the dense greenery for weed targets amongst the not-weed growth. The sun was shining through a scattering of clouds, it was warm but not too warm, with the sea breeze freshening, but not too freshening. It occurred to me that maybe all I needed to get out of the house and off my considerable behind was a nice day. Perhaps I was being ruled by psychology, not physiology. Perhaps most of my inactivity was due to a failure of character, not physical infirmity. This was *easy* – why did I make it seem so hard?

I hate my brain sometimes.

So I took a pain poll. Normally I do my best to ignore what my body is telling me, in the sense that where possible I don't pay attention to what my nervous system is doing in the background. There's always something in the background – the pain never stops – but for sanity's sake I've learned to ignore the baseline. Anything above baseline will make itself felt soon enough, and lately that's been way way too much. So I had a listen, and discovered that I wasn't hurting as much as I have been. Finally the nice weather was doing what nice weather does: not being as rough on my system as horrible weather. I could make a fist and not cry! I could stand up and not whimper! I could stand still and not want to cry from the pain! YAY!

Of course, as I write this now the pain is back, and with interest in my right arm that did the bulk of the work in the garden. I couldn't make an actual fist today, of course, and did most of the gripping with my pinkie and next fingers which are now sore. But my bicep muscle is complaining in an unfamiliar and wonderful way. Getting too tired to make sense now, but believe me when I say this pain-from-achievement is far preferable to the usual pain-from-the-universe-being-a-bastard.

The weather is turning back again to rain, and I can feel it, but this is Perth for heaven's sake – there *must* be some good old-fashioned drought conditions coming up. I've had a tiny respite and by golly I want more. Take the pain away and I get things DONE.