Some assembly required
Oct. 20th, 2007 04:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stephbgFather-in-law is arriving on Tuesday for his week-long visit, so I thought I'd better do something about setting up the metal-framed futon-in-a-box he'll be sleeping on.
I had my first inkling of danger when I opened the box and found many many smaller boxes and bags within. I couldn't begin to match the jumbled mess of screws, bolts and sundry fastenings to the alleged contents list, so I sorted them into matching piles and made guesses based on the quantities of each type.
Major sections of infrastructure were identified in the drawings as "left" or "right" or "front" or "back". Unfortunately, these pairs of things looked identical in the tiny sketches, and when I eventually found some distinguishing features on the actual bits, they were mentioned no-where in the instructions. I discovered some tiny and subtle differences during assembly, but nothing to indicate function or significance.
I realise assembly instructions are a cheap and common target and I am not mechanically inclined, but really! I reproduce a section here in all its glory:
"ATTACH 1PC OF BACK MATTRESS FRRAME (D) TO TRANSMISSION (F) (G). USE WRENCH (O) TO TIGHTEN BOLT (J) AND NUT (N). ASSEMBLY FRONT MATTRESS FRAME (C) AS DESCRIBTION. ATTACH LEG (V) TO MATTRESS USE BOLT (P)."
What describtion? I saw no describtion! Don't get me started on what "transmission" means.
The box was missing the twin Russian acrobats required to hold various large and heavy bits of metal at the only precise angles that would permit bolts to go into boltholes at opposite ends of the room. Similar abilities (i.e. two sets of arms and four sets of patience) were required to brace bolts at one end and ratchet the other with the tiny slippery allen key and the flat metal cutout laughingly described as a "wrench".
It's mostly done, but at the end I confess failure and have decided to wait for Husband to literally hold up his end.
I had my first inkling of danger when I opened the box and found many many smaller boxes and bags within. I couldn't begin to match the jumbled mess of screws, bolts and sundry fastenings to the alleged contents list, so I sorted them into matching piles and made guesses based on the quantities of each type.
Major sections of infrastructure were identified in the drawings as "left" or "right" or "front" or "back". Unfortunately, these pairs of things looked identical in the tiny sketches, and when I eventually found some distinguishing features on the actual bits, they were mentioned no-where in the instructions. I discovered some tiny and subtle differences during assembly, but nothing to indicate function or significance.
I realise assembly instructions are a cheap and common target and I am not mechanically inclined, but really! I reproduce a section here in all its glory:
"ATTACH 1PC OF BACK MATTRESS FRRAME (D) TO TRANSMISSION (F) (G). USE WRENCH (O) TO TIGHTEN BOLT (J) AND NUT (N). ASSEMBLY FRONT MATTRESS FRAME (C) AS DESCRIBTION. ATTACH LEG (V) TO MATTRESS USE BOLT (P)."
What describtion? I saw no describtion! Don't get me started on what "transmission" means.
The box was missing the twin Russian acrobats required to hold various large and heavy bits of metal at the only precise angles that would permit bolts to go into boltholes at opposite ends of the room. Similar abilities (i.e. two sets of arms and four sets of patience) were required to brace bolts at one end and ratchet the other with the tiny slippery allen key and the flat metal cutout laughingly described as a "wrench".
It's mostly done, but at the end I confess failure and have decided to wait for Husband to literally hold up his end.
