A little ditty about Steph and Matthew
Oct. 19th, 2007 10:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stephbgThis evening I decided to record how Husband and I met. I sought his permission, because it involved a death in his family. It also involved a death in the UniSFA family.
The beginning
It began with the tragic suicide of Peter "The Animal" Schupp in 1990. For those who didn't know him, Peter gained his ironic nickname because he was a quiet, intelligent and gentle soul with the most amazing sense of humour. I don't think it's possible to take the suicide of a friend "well" but we were close and I felt very guilty for not being close enough to see it coming. The night before Sheldon and I had discussed talking to Peter to see if something was bothering him, but we had no idea it was that serious. I was shattered.
The UniSFA family banded together and kept each other busy, and on one of these occasions we met at the Fly By Night Club in Freo. There was a comedy show featuring a Theatre Sports team spinoff called Cabaret Suaving-On but I didn't really care. It was an excuse to keep moving so I went. It was on that night that Edmund introduced us to his future wife Kendra. Poor thing, it was not the ideal meet-the-new-boyfriend's-well-established-group-of-friends situation.
And that night upon the stage I first set eyes on my future husband. Bells? Halleluliah Chorus? Angels weeping? Not a bit of it. Barely noticed him. The most important thing that happened that night was the repeated plugs for the group's regular gig at Minsky's in Nedlands near UWA. At that time I couldn't bear to stay at home in the evenings, but was finding the company of UniSFAns too distressing.
I started going out to Minsky's every Wednesday night, usually alone, clad in black with my bikie jacket and with a book to keep me company in the interval. This went on long enough that I was able to order "The Usual" from the bar staff.
Since I was often a significant proportion of the entire audience and made a point of applauding loudly the band noticed me and I gradually got to know all five of them. I was quite frankly hunting for new friends and someone to hold, and they needed my $5 per week so it worked out well. Alison was a girl (but not my type), Greg was too sleazy, John was gay, Jeremy too impossibly good looking, which left the odd, surely-too-old, quiet bass player Matthew. Aforementioned bass player thought I looked dark, dangerous, intriging and sexy (bless 'im), and was enouraged by his bandmates to talk to me. I was just turned 20, he was 28. Ancient!
I went to their other gigs, and even became door bitch for a night.
A Relationship
After our first kiss after the gig - he gave me a minimal peck on the lips - I was mortified and utterly convinced that my attentions had been politely but firmly dismissed. On the drive home I laughed at myself for being a fool. Later he said that he was careful because he didn't want to frighten me off. We recovered from that misunderstanding and he invited me to come along to one of his jazz gigs at The Blue Note in West Perth.
A frank pickup joint, The Blue Note featured coasters with dotted lines for names and phone numbers and the legend "Remember You Met At The Blue Note". I went back some years later to get one as a souvenir but they'd stopped making them.
I wanted a coaster because I count our Relationship from that night. Most importantly, I gave Matthew his first lift home from a gig, and discovered that you could fit a double bass, an electric bass, an amplifier, a speaker, a bass player and a driver into a 1980 Datsun Sunny. This origami trick was to be repeated many times, for he had no car and couldn't drive.
Despite encouragement to Ask Me Up For Coffee, he had to apologetically send me away because he had an overdue music arranging assignment due the next day. He promised faithfully to "chase me around the kitchen" at the next possible opportunity. I fizzled with frustration.
The first date
Our first actual date not involving a gig was a movie - Breathless - at the old Entertainment Centre cinema. It did not go well. He was late, arrived in a dirty white dinner jacket (double basses are hard on the clothing and at that point he was a bit feral) and I was heartily bored with the film. The night went down hill from there.
Fortunately I learned to appreciate Film, and by constant exposure to Arnie, I taught him to appreciate Movies.
Bonding
Once we survived the awkward early date phase and settled down to talk we began to bond. I explained about Peter, and Matthew told me about the suicide of his brother Michael when he was only 14. Michael had been involved with drugs and a bad crowd and had eventually driven out into the country and shot himself in the head. Matthew had felt terribly guilty and had suffered from that experience ever since. We could share our grief and pain and eventually started to heal and grow together.
When I asked Matthew if I could write about his experience with suicide - for it was a core part of our story - he didn't hesitate for a second. Other people have to know they're not alone, he said.
Love
It took a while, but I knew I was in love when he took me by the shoulders and shook me gently to stop me jabbering about something. "Stephanie" he said gently. "Shut up." He wasn't afraid of me! Didn't treat me like I might explode! He brought out the fun and the light and the handpuppets in me! Made me laugh! Made me do standup too, but I eventually forgave him for that. I decided I wanted to keep him.
I think that's a good place to end this chapter. I'm glad it's recorded.
The beginning
It began with the tragic suicide of Peter "The Animal" Schupp in 1990. For those who didn't know him, Peter gained his ironic nickname because he was a quiet, intelligent and gentle soul with the most amazing sense of humour. I don't think it's possible to take the suicide of a friend "well" but we were close and I felt very guilty for not being close enough to see it coming. The night before Sheldon and I had discussed talking to Peter to see if something was bothering him, but we had no idea it was that serious. I was shattered.
The UniSFA family banded together and kept each other busy, and on one of these occasions we met at the Fly By Night Club in Freo. There was a comedy show featuring a Theatre Sports team spinoff called Cabaret Suaving-On but I didn't really care. It was an excuse to keep moving so I went. It was on that night that Edmund introduced us to his future wife Kendra. Poor thing, it was not the ideal meet-the-new-boyfriend's-well-established-group-of-friends situation.
And that night upon the stage I first set eyes on my future husband. Bells? Halleluliah Chorus? Angels weeping? Not a bit of it. Barely noticed him. The most important thing that happened that night was the repeated plugs for the group's regular gig at Minsky's in Nedlands near UWA. At that time I couldn't bear to stay at home in the evenings, but was finding the company of UniSFAns too distressing.
I started going out to Minsky's every Wednesday night, usually alone, clad in black with my bikie jacket and with a book to keep me company in the interval. This went on long enough that I was able to order "The Usual" from the bar staff.
Since I was often a significant proportion of the entire audience and made a point of applauding loudly the band noticed me and I gradually got to know all five of them. I was quite frankly hunting for new friends and someone to hold, and they needed my $5 per week so it worked out well. Alison was a girl (but not my type), Greg was too sleazy, John was gay, Jeremy too impossibly good looking, which left the odd, surely-too-old, quiet bass player Matthew. Aforementioned bass player thought I looked dark, dangerous, intriging and sexy (bless 'im), and was enouraged by his bandmates to talk to me. I was just turned 20, he was 28. Ancient!
I went to their other gigs, and even became door bitch for a night.
A Relationship
After our first kiss after the gig - he gave me a minimal peck on the lips - I was mortified and utterly convinced that my attentions had been politely but firmly dismissed. On the drive home I laughed at myself for being a fool. Later he said that he was careful because he didn't want to frighten me off. We recovered from that misunderstanding and he invited me to come along to one of his jazz gigs at The Blue Note in West Perth.
A frank pickup joint, The Blue Note featured coasters with dotted lines for names and phone numbers and the legend "Remember You Met At The Blue Note". I went back some years later to get one as a souvenir but they'd stopped making them.
I wanted a coaster because I count our Relationship from that night. Most importantly, I gave Matthew his first lift home from a gig, and discovered that you could fit a double bass, an electric bass, an amplifier, a speaker, a bass player and a driver into a 1980 Datsun Sunny. This origami trick was to be repeated many times, for he had no car and couldn't drive.
Despite encouragement to Ask Me Up For Coffee, he had to apologetically send me away because he had an overdue music arranging assignment due the next day. He promised faithfully to "chase me around the kitchen" at the next possible opportunity. I fizzled with frustration.
The first date
Our first actual date not involving a gig was a movie - Breathless - at the old Entertainment Centre cinema. It did not go well. He was late, arrived in a dirty white dinner jacket (double basses are hard on the clothing and at that point he was a bit feral) and I was heartily bored with the film. The night went down hill from there.
Fortunately I learned to appreciate Film, and by constant exposure to Arnie, I taught him to appreciate Movies.
Bonding
Once we survived the awkward early date phase and settled down to talk we began to bond. I explained about Peter, and Matthew told me about the suicide of his brother Michael when he was only 14. Michael had been involved with drugs and a bad crowd and had eventually driven out into the country and shot himself in the head. Matthew had felt terribly guilty and had suffered from that experience ever since. We could share our grief and pain and eventually started to heal and grow together.
When I asked Matthew if I could write about his experience with suicide - for it was a core part of our story - he didn't hesitate for a second. Other people have to know they're not alone, he said.
Love
It took a while, but I knew I was in love when he took me by the shoulders and shook me gently to stop me jabbering about something. "Stephanie" he said gently. "Shut up." He wasn't afraid of me! Didn't treat me like I might explode! He brought out the fun and the light and the handpuppets in me! Made me laugh! Made me do standup too, but I eventually forgave him for that. I decided I wanted to keep him.
I think that's a good place to end this chapter. I'm glad it's recorded.
