Relapse :-(
Jul. 10th, 2011 08:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stephbgIt was a bit too soon to be calling my couple of good days last week a remission, but relapse seems to be the right word to describe the backwards steps I've made since then.
The agomelatine stopped the worst of the pain, and it was only when it was gone that I realised how much was there in the first place. I wasn't exactly a happy frog bubbling away in my boiling water, but I'd really forgotten what cold water felt like.
Cold water is nice.
A couple of days ago I was brutally plunged back in to boiling mud. Now I know exactly how much pain there is, and what it does to my mind. The pain floods my mind with bad news; it distracts me from everything I do. The urge to lie motionless is so very strong. I've also lost the fine motor control and hand-eye co-ordination that had been returned to me, so I'm knocking things over again. I'm pretty sure I feel worse because I had a taste of something better and had allowed myself to not only hope, but dream.
It is possible that I brought all this on myself by eating processed (and tasty!) non-beige food on Thursday. I was feeling not exactly invincible, but perhaps a lot less sensitive. Looks like I'll have to keep up with beige discipline a bit longer yet.
I also have the option to increase the dose of agomelatine which I'll try to avoid for a few days at least.
To compound the problem I've *had* to take the smallest possible dose of amitriptyline which I try to avoid as it makes me sleepy.
The agomelatine stopped the worst of the pain, and it was only when it was gone that I realised how much was there in the first place. I wasn't exactly a happy frog bubbling away in my boiling water, but I'd really forgotten what cold water felt like.
Cold water is nice.
A couple of days ago I was brutally plunged back in to boiling mud. Now I know exactly how much pain there is, and what it does to my mind. The pain floods my mind with bad news; it distracts me from everything I do. The urge to lie motionless is so very strong. I've also lost the fine motor control and hand-eye co-ordination that had been returned to me, so I'm knocking things over again. I'm pretty sure I feel worse because I had a taste of something better and had allowed myself to not only hope, but dream.
It is possible that I brought all this on myself by eating processed (and tasty!) non-beige food on Thursday. I was feeling not exactly invincible, but perhaps a lot less sensitive. Looks like I'll have to keep up with beige discipline a bit longer yet.
I also have the option to increase the dose of agomelatine which I'll try to avoid for a few days at least.
To compound the problem I've *had* to take the smallest possible dose of amitriptyline which I try to avoid as it makes me sleepy.
