Medical catchup
Dec. 6th, 2010 10:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stephbgThat feeling I had last week, that the drugs were driving me beyond my spoon limits? That what I was doing was unsustainable? That feeling was right.
Increasing fatigue over the last couple of days (which included a pile of missed social engagements) finally took me out today with a total physical collapse. The I-don't-seem-to-be-able-to-roll-over kind. The glasses-of-water-require-two-hands kind. I can hold my head up now (literally) and this evening have been able to hold a book to read. Stupidly my current reading of choice is the Elizabeth Moon omnibus edition of The Deed of Paksenarrion, so I've had to enlist the aid of pillows to prop it up.
Today's Monday, and I started to feel a bit feverish on Saturday, and boy, talk about miserable. I was so low I didn't even have a corner of my mind left to cling to the knowledge that it wasn't *me*. I could say the words to myself, but a dry recitation of psychological theory sometimes just isn't enough. I was actually very pleased on Sunday to discover the fever really was a fever (cold sweat variety) because that meant I was sick sick and not the joyless, hopeless, colourless, bitter thing I feared I'd become.
Shrink visit last week wasn't particularly helpful. My reactions have progressed beyond atypical and into the realms of the unique. I should be pleased that Dr T teased me so much about the blog (no, I was unable to make him read any but a few highlighted lines), and seemed to take the news that I've been reading Sun Tzu Art of War very personally. I must remember to accuse him of paranoia, but then I did publicly threaten to threaten him at gunpoint. He doesn't tease so much when he's concerned, but sometimes it a weird old relationship. Upshot is that I am still in charge of experimenting with dosages of various drugs. All he could say was that any changes were likely to be equally troublesome.
Thanks to all who responded with concern to my change of relationship status on Facebook. It's... well it's complicated. And yet very simple. Something has to change, but I knew that already.
Increasing fatigue over the last couple of days (which included a pile of missed social engagements) finally took me out today with a total physical collapse. The I-don't-seem-to-be-able-to-roll-over kind. The glasses-of-water-require-two-hands kind. I can hold my head up now (literally) and this evening have been able to hold a book to read. Stupidly my current reading of choice is the Elizabeth Moon omnibus edition of The Deed of Paksenarrion, so I've had to enlist the aid of pillows to prop it up.
Today's Monday, and I started to feel a bit feverish on Saturday, and boy, talk about miserable. I was so low I didn't even have a corner of my mind left to cling to the knowledge that it wasn't *me*. I could say the words to myself, but a dry recitation of psychological theory sometimes just isn't enough. I was actually very pleased on Sunday to discover the fever really was a fever (cold sweat variety) because that meant I was sick sick and not the joyless, hopeless, colourless, bitter thing I feared I'd become.
Shrink visit last week wasn't particularly helpful. My reactions have progressed beyond atypical and into the realms of the unique. I should be pleased that Dr T teased me so much about the blog (no, I was unable to make him read any but a few highlighted lines), and seemed to take the news that I've been reading Sun Tzu Art of War very personally. I must remember to accuse him of paranoia, but then I did publicly threaten to threaten him at gunpoint. He doesn't tease so much when he's concerned, but sometimes it a weird old relationship. Upshot is that I am still in charge of experimenting with dosages of various drugs. All he could say was that any changes were likely to be equally troublesome.
Thanks to all who responded with concern to my change of relationship status on Facebook. It's... well it's complicated. And yet very simple. Something has to change, but I knew that already.
