stephbg | One foot in the grave

It may be just a figure of speech, but "One foot in the grave" hardly stands up to any kind of analysis.

About to die--not immediately--but soon?

Let's keep this in the local arena from whence the expression sprung. Plus, real tired now so I'm lazy. Edits may follow for tidiness, once I sober up a bit.

Consider your average Western Christian burial setup: one deep rectangular hole with sharply defined edges and faces. In sandy regions probably shored up for the duration of the actual ceremony. My fellow West Australians will be familiar with the issues of digging in the silica.

Let's say for argument's sake that the grave has been well engineered and has firm footing around the edge. As far as I know, graves do not include the features typically included in backyard swimming pools. No steps, no safety ledges, no shallow end.

So, in order to extend one foot into this grave, our bipedal subject must be able to support one of a few specific poses. He or she could sit at the edge with one leg tucked up at ground level, whilst its unfortunate bretheren sampled the dubious pleasures of earthly rest.

Rather more acrobatically, our subject could stand upright on one leg at the very edge of the grave and then bend that leg so that the opposite foot descends below the top of the cut. Voila. And ta daaaa.

If our subject were capable of assuming either of these positions, they'd have to possess a certain amount of health, if not joi de vivre. Hardly a candidate for the traditional interpretation of "One foot in the grave".

Assistance into either of these positions puts rather a different interpretation on the saying. "One foot in the grave... with a bit of help" doesn't quite keep with the spirit of the thing, so to say. Dr Kervorkian may express an interest.

It would be theoretically possible for a suitably terminally ill person to fall into a grave one foot ahead of the other, but the moment in flight that they would satisfy the requirements of the test would be fleeting and unsatisfactory. That's one for the lawyers to fight about, but in my books it doesn't count.

So, if suspending a limb is out, what about making one short step into the aforementioned final resting place? We've noted before that classic graves lack such facilities as steps, and so only a shallow grave would afford our subject the opportunity to keep one foot on terra firma while the second flirts with terror below 'er.

A shallow grave is traditionally dug by the intended occupier, and generally under some conditions of duress. A gun to the head, for example, to be rewarded by another gun to the head. Well, the same gun probably, but in a slightly better speaking role.

So this scenario is defeated on several fronts. If the future lamented is capable of digging a shallow grave, and then stepping into it, they can't be completely unfit.

One foot in the grave? BUSTED