![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Hello darkness my old friend
Darkness of the variety "the sun is on the other side of the planet" rather than the less attractive options of sightlessness, or deep depression. I'm up at 2am so I'll just ramble for a bit and see what comes out.
Let's Get Physical
My thermostat's going a bit bonkers, so while I feel hot and am indeed perspiring like a cornered politician, my skin is actually cold and clammy to the touch. I'm hot, but then I get little chills. Standard stuff; I don't think I have an infection. More likely a fibro flare is kicking off because I have a band of how-you-say? mind-bendingly excruciating pain wrapped around my entire ribcage, complete with loud crackling sounds from the abused flesh over my shoulder blades. I just checked the BOM site, and in theory it might be raining now and for the next few hours. I'd have to agree.
On the bright side
After some cat counselling, door taping (we've yet to devise a method of securing the siding door from the cats' side), and a few hands of patience I wandered over to look at my very basic Swancon costume. I'd been thinking about it though, so with a bit of snipping and rummaging I now have something workable, with an adequate back story. To theme at that.
In other news
The day's energy was spent on a family BBQ to celebrate Eldest Sister's 50th, which actually falls today (Monday). She was not keen to celebrate, mainly because BB failed to reach his much anticipated 50th in 2008 and she is now officially older than him. Still, the family did what the family does, in its noisy, multi-threaded, but comfortable way.
Speaking of BB, last week he appeared in my dreams--different dreams--for three nights in a row.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
azhure you might find this interesting. He wasn't a feature character, the dreams weren't memories of specific events, but he was just there in the cast of players being himself, my brother. Just there, where he belonged in my life. The first time this happened he was wearing the same hat as in one my favourite photos of him, so perhaps he was just an image. But by the second and third it was most definitely him, alive and settled in my subconscious.
Is this perhaps a sign that the last traces of grief are truely gone, and now I have him back where he belongs in living memory? I hadn't expected to have him return in such a form, unsullied by what came after. I feel now that I can talk to him again quite comfortably, and that my memories of him might be kind enough to construct an answer that would seem to come from him. He's no ghost, but in a way he's back from the dead and my memories feel somehow healed.
I hope that happens for other people who've lost loved ones. It's a peaceful feeling that's a pleasant surprise at the end of a very hard road.
I've more of simple life blogging to catch up with, but for now I think I'll try my luck with sleep once more. You may see me later, or not.
Let's Get Physical
My thermostat's going a bit bonkers, so while I feel hot and am indeed perspiring like a cornered politician, my skin is actually cold and clammy to the touch. I'm hot, but then I get little chills. Standard stuff; I don't think I have an infection. More likely a fibro flare is kicking off because I have a band of how-you-say? mind-bendingly excruciating pain wrapped around my entire ribcage, complete with loud crackling sounds from the abused flesh over my shoulder blades. I just checked the BOM site, and in theory it might be raining now and for the next few hours. I'd have to agree.
On the bright side
After some cat counselling, door taping (we've yet to devise a method of securing the siding door from the cats' side), and a few hands of patience I wandered over to look at my very basic Swancon costume. I'd been thinking about it though, so with a bit of snipping and rummaging I now have something workable, with an adequate back story. To theme at that.
In other news
The day's energy was spent on a family BBQ to celebrate Eldest Sister's 50th, which actually falls today (Monday). She was not keen to celebrate, mainly because BB failed to reach his much anticipated 50th in 2008 and she is now officially older than him. Still, the family did what the family does, in its noisy, multi-threaded, but comfortable way.
Speaking of BB, last week he appeared in my dreams--different dreams--for three nights in a row.
azhure you might find this interesting. He wasn't a feature character, the dreams weren't memories of specific events, but he was just there in the cast of players being himself, my brother. Just there, where he belonged in my life. The first time this happened he was wearing the same hat as in one my favourite photos of him, so perhaps he was just an image. But by the second and third it was most definitely him, alive and settled in my subconscious.Is this perhaps a sign that the last traces of grief are truely gone, and now I have him back where he belongs in living memory? I hadn't expected to have him return in such a form, unsullied by what came after. I feel now that I can talk to him again quite comfortably, and that my memories of him might be kind enough to construct an answer that would seem to come from him. He's no ghost, but in a way he's back from the dead and my memories feel somehow healed.
I hope that happens for other people who've lost loved ones. It's a peaceful feeling that's a pleasant surprise at the end of a very hard road.
I've more of simple life blogging to catch up with, but for now I think I'll try my luck with sleep once more. You may see me later, or not.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject