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Should I go to my school reunion?
This year is the 20th anniversary of my high school completion. I recently found out the details of the school reunion, scheduled for Friday 21st December, the logic being that it would be a good time to catch ex-pat ex-students coming home to visit family for the holidays.
I've thought about this reunion several times over the years, but I'm not really sure where my feelings currently lie. Like a lot of fen I was not popular (ha!) at high school. Looking back, the contrast with UWA/UniSFA/Swancon was incredible. It was so nice to be finally treated as a goddess and a queen *flutters eyelashes modestly*.
I vacillate amongst many alternatives:
*Not giving a damn about the people I vaguely remember giving me hell (although I'm glad to report I no longer recall many individuals all that well)
* A desire to show off how successful I've become, with a dangerous inclination to shout inappropriate things at middle aged near-strangers ("I'm HAPPY now so SCREW YOU" and/or "HA! Geeks ROCK! You got it WRONG Sporty Spice.")
* Embarassment at revealing how much I've gained weight since then (although I'm certain I'm not alone there). They used to call me "Stick" (and a bunch of other things that would cause the Internet to fall over were I to reproduce them here). They also used to make a Rubrick's Cube gesture at me because I was "so square I was a cube". I now wear that badge with pride. *shouts "SCREW YOU" once more, senses a theme, hums*
* A lack of desire to catch up with the faceless multitudes. Let's face it, quite a lot of them ignored me, numbers of them were pleasant, others never knew my name. What do I care if they're divorced with three children, working in banking customer service and trading on ebay in their spare time? So what? I know truckloads of incredibly interesting people now. Why should I waste my strictly limited social-interaction resources with dross? Apologies to the neutral-friendlys for calling you "dross", but really you just don't compare with my current crop of friends.
* A definite creeping and creepy uncomfortableness on contemplating a reunion with a certain old long-term, serious-at-the-time and difficult-to-shake boyfriend. *wince*
* A regret that the anniversary has not fallen during one of those years I was fit, healthy, muscly, dangerous and doing kung fu. I was sick and damaged throughout school, and oh, look, 20 years later, still sick and damaged. The motivation to tell people I *wasn't* just trying to get out of phys ed is not quite sufficient on its own to get me there.
* A somewhat guilty desire to shock former schoolmates with my tattoos. They seem old hat now, but I remember how freaked out a lot of people were when I first got them done. I always enjoyed the "you don't seem the type" reaction. I could live with a little "you didn't seem the type" action. Unfortunately, difficult to combine the tattoo-reveal with the I'm-not-thin-now-reveal.
* An honest desire to meet up with my former teachers and thank them for the good work they did (you may have spotted a root cause for some of that unpopularity). That alone may tip the balance if I find out any of them are planning to show up. Except maybe some of the nuns. And a certain Marist brother *shudder*.
What should I do? Should I go? A lot of people I know are about the same age and would have faced the same prospect - what did you do or are contemplating doing?
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But then I didn't have a difficult-to-shake boyfriend and that definitely would have changed my mind about going.
Ha. Little bit vengeful, so many were obviously suffering alcohol/smokes/drug and childbearing effects, Rob, who went with me, said that I looked 10 years younger than any of them. *preen*
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leece-I-may-be-plump-but-I'm-not-wrinkly-theartist
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I just remembered that a certain "Michael" became "Kelly" quite a few years ago. Now that's one person I'm curious about now.
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My experience was that there will be a small number of people you liked, maybe even a little bit, and that you will meet them again and you will lovely. They will be more open to sharing their positive opinions than they were, and will have a sense of perspective on life, and you can all reminesce and catch up. And the people you didn't like, you will barely speak to, and anything they say will be just evidence of how much they haven't moved on, more cause for pity than angst. And that you shouldn't care how "square" you were, because people have grown up since high school and come to realise that, you know, squareness is somewhat associated with profitable employability. And don't feel in the least bit embarrassed about your health, attractiveness, career, etc. You haven't been through a messy divorce or become a single mother, gone to jail, had a major drug addiction, been unemployed for the last decade -- other people there will have more to feel self-conscious about.
And I say don't feel embarrassed about the not-thinness in the least. Flash your tatttoos. You'll look better than most, and much more interesting.
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I did not go to the 20 year reunion last year, and I have no regrets about the decision. I have bumped into various women from school over the years, and we have had the 'what are you doing now?' conversation, and the 'did you hear what x is doing now' conversation. A whole evening of that would be tedious (to me).
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