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Drugs Phase I reboot Day 2
Also known as: the second day of 20mg esci after I tried 40mg and had to stop because of the ridiculous pain. Right, where are we now?
If you're experiencing the joy that is antidepressant medication choice and dosage adjustments I seriously recommend that you write down of much as your experience as you can. You don't have to share it with the world, but it will be an invaluable tool.
Some time last night (before I threw up) I gained another insight into the stereotypical world of the mentally ill: I really wanted to cut my hair. It felt intensely in the way, heavy, and it was choking me with slightest pressure against my throat. I note that I did not feel that the hair was out to get me or had any will of its own, but I was in a place from where I could see the merits of an urgent DIY trim. So, suicide, hair cutting, (I sorted self harm ages ago), what have I got left? Promiscuity was never my thing. I've done the retail thing a few times but caught myself before it got too bad. Anyone got a checklist?
So, today. Odd one. *Really* weird dreams. A bit of a lost one, to be frank. Appetite has gone byebye so I might get a chance to lose some weight, with the bonus of breaking the carb cycle (eat carbs, want carbs, eat carbs, want carbs). Had some more of the muscle tremors and I *think* I found myself doing some foetal position rocking when coming out of a nap. No nausea tonight, but I tried to drink less as well to avoid bloating.
Struggling a bit to determine what's the best thing for me to do next. I noticed that I hadn't been out of the house, so went to a local shopping centre to look for a couple of items on the shopping list. I like these new trading hours, but would prefer a greater uptake - closed shops are sad shops. Still, it's a start. Mixed success of a trip. Nothing on the shelves in my bra size which is not exactly enormous. Will have to go to a specialist. I'm also trying to find a summer weight (and preferably gorgeous) dressing gown/hourse coat/bath robe/happy coat/kimono-esque thing. No can do thus far.
So I got myself sufficiently motivated to bathe and dress nicely (short Tilda wrap as a skirt) and make a short outing, but I felt no sense of achievement. I don't know what to do next. I'm lost. As best I can predict tomorrow I'll be forcing myself to action like a good little medicated zombie.
I don't feel like me. I don't know what I should be doing. I don't really want to do anything, but if it's possible that I can do something I know I must make that effort. There's something in there about effort as choice - does that mean that lack-of-effort (laziness) has become a choice too? I think I need to make a list.
I'm in a transition period of sorts (I hope) but I feel I'm losing my way and am in danger of getting stuck. Advice, anyone?
If you're experiencing the joy that is antidepressant medication choice and dosage adjustments I seriously recommend that you write down of much as your experience as you can. You don't have to share it with the world, but it will be an invaluable tool.
Some time last night (before I threw up) I gained another insight into the stereotypical world of the mentally ill: I really wanted to cut my hair. It felt intensely in the way, heavy, and it was choking me with slightest pressure against my throat. I note that I did not feel that the hair was out to get me or had any will of its own, but I was in a place from where I could see the merits of an urgent DIY trim. So, suicide, hair cutting, (I sorted self harm ages ago), what have I got left? Promiscuity was never my thing. I've done the retail thing a few times but caught myself before it got too bad. Anyone got a checklist?
So, today. Odd one. *Really* weird dreams. A bit of a lost one, to be frank. Appetite has gone byebye so I might get a chance to lose some weight, with the bonus of breaking the carb cycle (eat carbs, want carbs, eat carbs, want carbs). Had some more of the muscle tremors and I *think* I found myself doing some foetal position rocking when coming out of a nap. No nausea tonight, but I tried to drink less as well to avoid bloating.
Struggling a bit to determine what's the best thing for me to do next. I noticed that I hadn't been out of the house, so went to a local shopping centre to look for a couple of items on the shopping list. I like these new trading hours, but would prefer a greater uptake - closed shops are sad shops. Still, it's a start. Mixed success of a trip. Nothing on the shelves in my bra size which is not exactly enormous. Will have to go to a specialist. I'm also trying to find a summer weight (and preferably gorgeous) dressing gown/hourse coat/bath robe/happy coat/kimono-esque thing. No can do thus far.
So I got myself sufficiently motivated to bathe and dress nicely (short Tilda wrap as a skirt) and make a short outing, but I felt no sense of achievement. I don't know what to do next. I'm lost. As best I can predict tomorrow I'll be forcing myself to action like a good little medicated zombie.
I don't feel like me. I don't know what I should be doing. I don't really want to do anything, but if it's possible that I can do something I know I must make that effort. There's something in there about effort as choice - does that mean that lack-of-effort (laziness) has become a choice too? I think I need to make a list.
I'm in a transition period of sorts (I hope) but I feel I'm losing my way and am in danger of getting stuck. Advice, anyone?
no subject
*offers hugs*
no subject