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Bittersweet
I had my regular monthy massage today with N, and as always was really looking forward to it, with the exception of having to break the news about BB. I don't have to do this very often, so I haven't had as much practice as others.
I started with the good news. When I saw N four weeks ago I was tottering on the verge of collapse. I didn't want to talk about cancer or bad things; I just wanted to forget and have a break for myself. I didn't want to go to hospital that night. So, I requested soothing rather than clinical support and she got it just right, although it was beyond me to stop talking about BB. After I went home I recovered enough to go to the hospital to BB and we had one of the best long sessions alone we'd managed so far: a good couple of hours. While it was distressing to watch his mental deterioration, I was pleased to be there with him.
So that was the good news to my massage therapist today: her last session had made me recover enough to go back to see BB.
I wrote a quick report to the family that night:
--
As noted before Dave was very sleepy and confused this evening. He got himself into quite a lather going through the night-time setup procedure, not helped by a blown light globe. He spent some time on the phone doing something with a menu system (possibly voicemail) but he seemed to be listening to the same options over and over and losing track.
No chemo tonight or for the rest of the weekend.
New Mr Diagonally Opposite seems friendly.
--
...and a catch-up post the next day.
I think that was also the night that he called me again late that night to say how much he enjoyed our time together. I have a few similar SMS from the days before which are going nowhere.
--
Back to the massage therapist today:
And now for the bad news: I had to report that BB had slipped away from us a few days later.
Then I had to report my physical condition in that four weeks. That took a bit of space in the notes. Food reactions, fibro, CFS, and of course grief and crying.
The best news then was that she took me in hand and gave me one of the most restful and soothing back/shoulder/neck/scalp massages I have ever had. It was fabulous. I normally have to maintain a certain amount of running commentary as feedback, but this time I lay in blessed silence and listed to harp music. I did manage the odd purr to ensure she knew I was awake. The scalp massage felt so long abd so good I was certain she must be going over time.
She said she put in extra care for me this week--not that she-holds back at other times--and I felt totally looked after.
I started with the good news. When I saw N four weeks ago I was tottering on the verge of collapse. I didn't want to talk about cancer or bad things; I just wanted to forget and have a break for myself. I didn't want to go to hospital that night. So, I requested soothing rather than clinical support and she got it just right, although it was beyond me to stop talking about BB. After I went home I recovered enough to go to the hospital to BB and we had one of the best long sessions alone we'd managed so far: a good couple of hours. While it was distressing to watch his mental deterioration, I was pleased to be there with him.
So that was the good news to my massage therapist today: her last session had made me recover enough to go back to see BB.
I wrote a quick report to the family that night:
--
As noted before Dave was very sleepy and confused this evening. He got himself into quite a lather going through the night-time setup procedure, not helped by a blown light globe. He spent some time on the phone doing something with a menu system (possibly voicemail) but he seemed to be listening to the same options over and over and losing track.
No chemo tonight or for the rest of the weekend.
New Mr Diagonally Opposite seems friendly.
--
...and a catch-up post the next day.
I think that was also the night that he called me again late that night to say how much he enjoyed our time together. I have a few similar SMS from the days before which are going nowhere.
--
Back to the massage therapist today:
And now for the bad news: I had to report that BB had slipped away from us a few days later.
Then I had to report my physical condition in that four weeks. That took a bit of space in the notes. Food reactions, fibro, CFS, and of course grief and crying.
The best news then was that she took me in hand and gave me one of the most restful and soothing back/shoulder/neck/scalp massages I have ever had. It was fabulous. I normally have to maintain a certain amount of running commentary as feedback, but this time I lay in blessed silence and listed to harp music. I did manage the odd purr to ensure she knew I was awake. The scalp massage felt so long abd so good I was certain she must be going over time.
She said she put in extra care for me this week--not that she-holds back at other times--and I felt totally looked after.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2008-11-11 08:57 am (UTC)(link)--Rhonda