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A vaguely health updatey thingie
The depression has been a bit kinder this last week, but as the universe has to remain in balance something else had to go.
I've been extremely dull-witted, frighteningly so at times. For this I collect empirical data in the form of sudoku performance, and of late it's been as bad as I've ever measured it. Counting to 9 is *really* hard. It's hard to draw a firm line between Depression and Fibro causing this brainfail, but my mood has been much improved and I've been able to taste sugar and see red. i.e. it doesn't look like Depression.
Probably related to the brain fog I've also been physically extremely weak, so even holding the pencil to draw those slow and error-prone numbers was a problem. Drinking water has involved two hands. I've been in bed and asleep a lot more than usual (for recent values of "usual"). I have a fine palate for fatigue: this was not I-don't-wanna bed time; it was I-can't-move-and-I'd-really-quite-like-to-if-only-I-could-remember-why-zzzz bed time.
I've made multiple attempts at work but apart from a few moments of lucidity here and there all words and concepts have been slowly but chaotically swimming and impossible to grasp and manipulate with my usual aplomb. My most successful session involved playing loud music as I worked, which is absolutely the opposite of my usual method. But I had to concentrate against the music and that was enough to cling to a single train of thought. Not enough to be clever--I prefer to weave multiple threads at once--but enough to get a few tasks done.
Unfortunately, I need to be clever. I'm really feeling the pressure about work these days. Every now and then I grant myself a sick day in which I feel no guilt or anxiety for not getting anything done, but that doesn't happen very often.
Oh, and there's been horrible fibro pain in my legs. Blah blah blah. I do physio, warming, stretches, walking/staggering blah blah blah. Some of the walks have been curious in style, one might say. Zombie Nazi Marionette covers most of the bases I think.
In a few minutes it will be Friday 13th July - six months since we lost Dad.
I've been extremely dull-witted, frighteningly so at times. For this I collect empirical data in the form of sudoku performance, and of late it's been as bad as I've ever measured it. Counting to 9 is *really* hard. It's hard to draw a firm line between Depression and Fibro causing this brainfail, but my mood has been much improved and I've been able to taste sugar and see red. i.e. it doesn't look like Depression.
Probably related to the brain fog I've also been physically extremely weak, so even holding the pencil to draw those slow and error-prone numbers was a problem. Drinking water has involved two hands. I've been in bed and asleep a lot more than usual (for recent values of "usual"). I have a fine palate for fatigue: this was not I-don't-wanna bed time; it was I-can't-move-and-I'd-really-quite-like-to-if-only-I-could-remember-why-zzzz bed time.
I've made multiple attempts at work but apart from a few moments of lucidity here and there all words and concepts have been slowly but chaotically swimming and impossible to grasp and manipulate with my usual aplomb. My most successful session involved playing loud music as I worked, which is absolutely the opposite of my usual method. But I had to concentrate against the music and that was enough to cling to a single train of thought. Not enough to be clever--I prefer to weave multiple threads at once--but enough to get a few tasks done.
Unfortunately, I need to be clever. I'm really feeling the pressure about work these days. Every now and then I grant myself a sick day in which I feel no guilt or anxiety for not getting anything done, but that doesn't happen very often.
Oh, and there's been horrible fibro pain in my legs. Blah blah blah. I do physio, warming, stretches, walking/staggering blah blah blah. Some of the walks have been curious in style, one might say. Zombie Nazi Marionette covers most of the bases I think.
In a few minutes it will be Friday 13th July - six months since we lost Dad.