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A change of pace
In a manner of speaking. I have a cold right now. I've probably had it for weeks as a minor runny nose but this weekend it decided to turn on the taps with the (startlingly) sore throat, gritty eyes, tender gums, fever, blocked ears, sinus pressure etc etc blah blah blah. I now get dizzy when I blow my nose, which is a bit of fun. Why is this different? I'm sick all the time, surely.
What's different about this type of being sick is that I don't have chronic fatigue laying me flat, nor one of my stupidly painful fibro flares making me scream. This bug isn't even sufficiently flu-like to give me noticeable additional aches and pains. It's a cold; I feel miserable and icky, but not debilitated. This is something I could soldier on through if necessary, and spread the joy to my workplace, supermarket, or friends' homes and children.
Some soldiering may be required before next Saturday to make sure that I get to see my visiting Uncle before he goes home. What kept me away today was mostly my inability to talk, being something of a handicap at a family reunion. If I wake up with this tomorrow it won't be enough to stop me going in to work. I'll be able to drive and type and think. And share the joy.
I think this is what it feels like for a normal person to be mildly ill. Suddenly--and this may seem like a bit of a leap but I'm recording for my own benefit here--I get to feel a bit less guilty about the chronic illness and my inability to just get out of bed, snap out of it, get on with living etc etc. It's not a question of willpower at all. Willpower will get you through a cold, but it won't get me through a flare and that's OK. My willpower, my strength of character, my courage are not being called into question.
I'm not particularly in need of guilt relief at the moment. I really like my job, so it's not a question of motivation there, but if anyone ever doubted that, my inability to get myself to the stables to scritch horses is a sure sign that on some days there are no choices involved. That was quite a confidence booster, and so is this cold. I'll keep it in the bank for a flarey day.
What's different about this type of being sick is that I don't have chronic fatigue laying me flat, nor one of my stupidly painful fibro flares making me scream. This bug isn't even sufficiently flu-like to give me noticeable additional aches and pains. It's a cold; I feel miserable and icky, but not debilitated. This is something I could soldier on through if necessary, and spread the joy to my workplace, supermarket, or friends' homes and children.
Some soldiering may be required before next Saturday to make sure that I get to see my visiting Uncle before he goes home. What kept me away today was mostly my inability to talk, being something of a handicap at a family reunion. If I wake up with this tomorrow it won't be enough to stop me going in to work. I'll be able to drive and type and think. And share the joy.
I think this is what it feels like for a normal person to be mildly ill. Suddenly--and this may seem like a bit of a leap but I'm recording for my own benefit here--I get to feel a bit less guilty about the chronic illness and my inability to just get out of bed, snap out of it, get on with living etc etc. It's not a question of willpower at all. Willpower will get you through a cold, but it won't get me through a flare and that's OK. My willpower, my strength of character, my courage are not being called into question.
I'm not particularly in need of guilt relief at the moment. I really like my job, so it's not a question of motivation there, but if anyone ever doubted that, my inability to get myself to the stables to scritch horses is a sure sign that on some days there are no choices involved. That was quite a confidence booster, and so is this cold. I'll keep it in the bank for a flarey day.